If you follow many blogs about Autism, especially ones that originate from the USA, it's difficult not to have been touched by the story of a mum of an ASD teen who attempted murder suicide. After a final blow, a withdrawal of support, she did the unthinkable. I'm not going to write a lot about the specifics of the case, others have done that. I'm not going to harp on about the need for support, I've done that. I do want to describe being THAT exhausted. I have felt it before, especially in the younger years with Gi Joe. I have seen it before and very recently. It's inevitable.
What does it look like? Different in every person I suspect. It's often the people who you give advice to, they will come back with a frustrating, "tried that, tried that, tried that..." If that is frustrating for you, imagine how frustrating it is for them. The ones who are numb, the ones who stop caring about themselves, the ones who over analyse their situation, the ones who cry a lot, the ones who have given up, the ones who avoid. I have been this person and I have been THAT exhausted. Once I was THAT exhausted I thought about driving my car off the freeway, my son was in the back. I didn't because I saw an out, my partner, my other kids, the special school. The thought went through my head though. This one thought makes me no different from those who followed through. I felt I had an out, but I had the thought. They maybe did not feel like they had an out, had exhausted all their outs. It is hard to know and something we may never know.
What do you do to get through it? In order to help parents feeling this, asking if they are okay might be a good start, but then what? Yes people need to help themselves first before they are any good to their children. How? If you are it? How do you take a break? I am lucky, I'm not it, I can take a break, not always straight away but it happens. I don't really know the answers. It is going to take a lot of vocal hard work to change systems, mind sets, and to promote a greater understanding of the needs of Autism families. I hope that this post might help one person to recognise THAT exhaustion in a friend.
A Car Full of Autism: My writings and ramblings about being a mother of two children with Autism
Just wanted to say thank you. Thank you for being so open and honest. I've been having that type of month. I'm beyond exhausted and feel claustrophobic at times. I'm not at my ropes ends, but imagine a nervous breakdown on the brink. :) Thank you for this post. The timing is so perfect for me to read. I appreciate it! It's so nice to know I'm not alone. This is a hard journey and no one has it easy.
ReplyDeleteThanks Jan, I'm glad it has helped. Sometimes the mere thought you are not the only one fighting this battle is enough!
DeleteKelli was coming off a 6+ month reprieve (Issy in residential treaent) and had paid for by a Medicaid waiver, trained on Issy's behavior plan 1:1 professional staff for all of issues waking hours. Kelli had every resource known to mankind!
ReplyDeleteKelli's ability to plan didn't appear to be comprimised -- she managed to purchase charcoal grills, drive herself and Issy to a remote location, close all doors/windows and light the grills.
This post is intended to open dialogue about what being on the edge looks like, noticing it in a friend. I do not want to debate specifics about that case. I did not include her name for a reason. America is not the only country in the world. This has happened elsewhere before too. Most parents would not do that to their child (thank goodness) but every one feels overwhelmed at times and in this busy world, in our busy lives we sometimes don't notice a friend who is struggling.
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