Back to Basics

This morning we played Snakes and Ladders and memory. I often wonder if the introduction of screens and waning popularity of these types of social experiences is impacting on our children's development. Brand name board games can be expensive but yesterday I found a range of cheap classics at Kmart for $5 each. I got Snakes and Ladders as I felt it would be good to teach Lachie maths concepts as well as give him the experience of set backs (going down the snake). Lachie at first was very upset over having to go down the snake during our morning test out of our new game. However, the game held his interest long enough to overcome his feelings of injustice and he eventually won. Apart from the obvious maths skills he learnt valuable social lessons. Turn taking and not cheating were definite challenges!





Snakes and Ladders from Kmart $5

Powerful lessons: Not all smiles and sunshine and not all book work!

Homeschooling looks all smiles and sunshine if you go by our pictures but it is full of hard work and self doubt. Yesterday I had to deal with a pretty bad public meltdown but I had to do it. It was worth it because no matter what it is my responsibility to teach right from wrong. The lesson Lachie learnt yesterday was more powerful than any of the book work we have done to date. He learnt mummy is no push over and just because you scream loudly doesn't mean mummy will buy you what you want. The only sad part about it was the stares and the whispers from two shocked women.

The tough social lessons being learnt are done in a way that I can control the interaction. My children do not need to be hardened through bullying and disrespect. Gi Joe is learning these lessons through the Army Cadets. He went on his first recruit camp on the weekend and we were told that he made us proud. It gives me hope and reminds me that we have to do the hard yards with Lachie to get the pay off that we have with Gi Joe. 

A new phase

So school has not worked for both of my boys. This is not surprising considering developmental level and social functioning issues that come hand in hand with ASD. We have taken a leap of faith and put GI Jo into Distance Ed and Baby Yoshi is doing registered home schooling. I have been amazed at how many people choose this option. I had never really considered it before but so far it is working out okay. I won't say that there aren't challenges but I will say that I am willing to tackle them face on as their mother. I am fortunate in that my friends and family have been wonderfully supportive. I have met many people over the past few weeks and have received advice to ignore the negative comments. I have not had to endure any, even our pediatrician is supportive. So expect to see lots of record keeping disguised as blog posts here from now on!

Here is an example of our typical day, I have decided to use Lachie's (Baby Yoshi) and Aria's name, it's just easier.

Monday 22 July 2013

Today Lachie chose to practice the letter K. Lachie has good English skills but his writing can let him down.  Lachie worked hard on the worksheet provided but was motivated to commence his theme piece for English.  Lachie chose to recreate No-Bot the Robot.  Bernard the Robot lost his bottom so we talked about what would happen if he lost other body parts.  Lachie was able to tell me that if he lost his arms he could not touch and seemed to understand that we can use our body to communicate.  Lachie told me that ants communicate with their antennae.  Lachie is still mixing up “D” and “B” even when it is spoken and then he is supported to spell a word with either of those letters in it.

We used our new whiteboard today and even though he liked it, there were some tears when Aria rubbed off the schedule.

Lachie was difficult to engage with maths today.  Although the activity was guided by his robot interest, he was very active and left me when I was cutting out the robot.  He did engage in a game afterwards but was not really settled for the rest of the day.

Lachie participated in a science experiment.  He checked the growth of his previous plant that we re-grew using celery and he enjoyed the planting of the parsley and was able to connect it with last week’s library book, Pearl Barley and Charlie Parsley.  I lost Lachie’s attention when the steps were too long for him to write. The day ended with Reading Eggs and quiet television.  Although there were difficulties, he still managed to get the work done.

Considerations:

Park play is very important to Lachie and he does not understand the concept of a rainy day.  Weather visual and discussions around flexibility may help.    Lachie was unhappy that the routine changed from last Monday to this Monday. 

Montessori may allow Lachie more time to practice cross-curriculum skills.

Ranting on Facebook

So today I had a rant on Facebook. What about? The media of course! One of our national media outlets has decided to make this "let’s report on Autism week." First it was about a new "cure" that seems suspiciously like electroshock therapy. Then the advertising regarding a famous footballer’s son that sounds suspiciously like the story is going to be about yet another cure. Then, what else but the good old over diagnosis debate? Lumped right in there with ADHD and on the back of comments by an NGO that claims to be promoting Autism awareness!

I'm so tired of the way Autism is portrayed in the media. It appears if you are famous or a sports person it is okay to have a child with Autism and it is not about parenting but it is always about cures. Fact is any treatment that is reported is out of the reach of the average Australian family or is simply fraud to make that person more money or make them feel better about themselves AKA Jenny McCarthy.

Lumping Asperger's in with the ADHD debate is damaging and hurtful to those parents trying to do their best with a condition that has nothing to do with parenting. I think there are two types of the disorder to be honest, one where the child is predisposed and has a family environment that promotes the development and the child that has for some reason some biological basis to their disorder. Children with Asperger's are not "badly behaved". Actually in my experience it is the so called neuro-typical children and adults that treat people with Asperger's badly!

Bullying

I am writing this and sharing this photo to take a stand against bullying. Gi Jo is too scared to make for himself. In 2010, when Gi Jo was in grade six he received this head injury courtesy of some boys who thought it was okay to smack him into the concrete because they believed that him bending over talking to ants was weird. Before this, they had been his friends. They justified this behaviour by saying they felt "betrayed" that Gi Jo did not inform them of his ASD and it was not until they saw him in the special ed unit that they realised. This started an ongoing series of taunts and social isolation. Most of it, I wasn't even aware of until recently, when GI Jo took a drastic measure to attempt to illustrate to his tormentors what he had attempted to express through his words. His behaviour became the focus and the consequences were that he now has become more socially isolated as a result because we feel that distance education is his safest option.

When I think of what happened my mind goes to stories in the media about other young kids that resort to violence and/or suicide to attempt to deal with bullying. I do not condone violence in any way and I am saddened that some young people take their lives rather than feeling that adults can help them. However, that is exactly the point that I am making. These young people become so desperate that they act in these ways. I  can not help thinking that teachers are too caught up with paperwork, process, and stress and parents in maintaining their lifestyles and dealing with other external pressures that the unspoken cues are missed. I could forgive that, I can forgive ourselves for missing the unspoken cues with GI Jo. What I can't forgive is the ignorance of the possible outcomes. We warned both schools at various times when certain behaviour from the other young people was coming to our attention. I have the above photograph as I was forced to email it to the school to demonstrate how serious it was that no one contacted us or supported our family and our boy through this. I had to threaten to make a police complaint for it to be taken seriously, even then the school never followed through on their promised conference with the boys involved.

People becoming teaching professionals often ask me how to prepare for having children with ASD in their classes. This is what I now say: Watch closely for the bullying, don't ignore it, watch for unspoken cues that indicate there is a problem with peers, listen to the parents of the child, act before it is too late.

The curse of the Mummy Judgers

For anyone who has ever had a child, whether they have special needs or not, they have no doubt had the displeasure of being judged by other mothers (or worse by a know it all non-parent). Topics such as breast feeding, cloth or disposable nappies, dummies, and circumcision are sure to raise a barrage of debate. In this age of the Internet and social media, it seems those who judge most are most visible, in the written sense at least. If they are pulled up on their judgement they fire back with freedom of speech and a heap of crap about "if you don't want it judged don't write it...." *blah*.

The other day I was questioned about my choices with GI Joe. I was able to defend them in a calm and reasonable manner but why should I have to. Unless you are tying your child to a tree (the thought has actually crossed my mind) or abusing them, no one has a right to interfere with your learning process as a parent. As a social scientist I often cringe when anecdotal evidence is pulled out in an argument but I think most adults with a non-abusive childhood can pull out some examples of  their own parents' parenting mistakes but end the story with, "and I turned out okay." Two of my children have developmental delays but all of my children are turning out okay! People need to be supportive and not judgemental or I fear we may see a society too scared to take risks based on what other people may say!

A really hard week

This week has been incredibly emotional. Not to go too much into details for GI Joe's privacy, but we were thumped on the head with the knowledge that he has not been going as well as we thought he had been. I wish that we had known how tough he was doing it. We have made the decision to home school through distance education. A hard choice and one that GI Joe is not entirely happy about. I have learnt the true impact of bullying on people with ASD, their family and the community in general. It seems we are becoming more and more educated on ASD but perhaps this is not getting passed on to our teens.